Like so many, in recent days I have been internalising events of the last week. Apart from being satisfied with being involved with the Gobi March, I have spent a good deal of time thinking about Nick. Like many of the Shanghai Gang, Nick was an integral part of the group and I got to know him pretty well over the last 8 months of training in the mountains in Hangzhou outside of Shanghai in . Nick wasn't a sportsman, I'm sure he would have been the first to admit it, but he had a zest for an adventure, and for him, this was it. Tragically, it didn't finish the way he or anyone foresaw.
These days I'm pretty sad when I think about him. I see Nick in a lot of the things I'm doing daily in Beijing where I have come to spend a few days resting before heading off on holidays to next week. And that's what makes me sad. My life seems to be going great, and when I think about how great things are, my thoughts keep turning to Nick and I keep thinking this young man should be enjoying things too. I find myself breaking into tears often at anytime of the day. I'm not sure if others feel the same way, but for me Nick represented a lot of what is good in the world. Although sometimes frustrating with his geekiness and lack of ability to organise himself, these things pale into insignificance when we look at the man as a whole and realise if there were more in the world who were like him, maybe we would all breath a little easier and see life as a little less complicated.
I see Nick in life around me all the time at the moment. I constantly recall the things  he did that are just so vivid. He kept us engaged by his ramblings, by his inability to organise himself and in a short period of time, endeared himself to all of us. 
Apart from the myriad of stories that those from Shanghai who trained with him can recall, there are a few things that stand out for me from the 4 days of the Gobi before he was taken from us. 
I recall noting the irony, that while he couldn't organise himself, he was always helping others. He made sure that every Shanghai member had a pair of earplugs, a simple but very helpful piece of equipment, and he was damn pleased with himself for being able to contribute something to the group! Remember his email, 'guys, my girlfriend works for so and so and she can supply us all with ....' And if that wasn't enough, he took enough pairs for his tent mates on the march and then when I mentioned I knew someone else who was having problems sleeping, he said no trouble, disappeared and came back with a pair for them too. I'm sure if everyone in the camp asked, Nick's pack would have been deep enough to have something for everyone.
And then I recall seeing Nick at the campsite one or two walking around with packets of food, organising swaps when someone stated they had something they didn't like. I recall his words well, 'people have been helping me, I can help a little too.' All this from a guy who needed help, to get just about every item needed for the event! Remember how we joked about  him ringing Campbell about socks and how the story, in good spirits, was nicely embellished to suggest that he was still looking for socks on the day he was supposed to fly to Urumuqi?
I remember having a chat with Nick during the evening of Day 3 at the village. By then, a few of us had run out of battery power for our mobiles but somehow Nick was still functioning. Angus wanted to text his wife and then Allan. I remember walking around camp with Nick as he held his mobile up waiting for a signal, finding it before losing it again, but enthusiastic in wanting to help people again.
The last I saw of him was Day 4. I was taking it easy this day, my energy levels weren't great, and I was at checkpoint 1 when he came in. I remember looking at him and seeing the 'high' spirit he was in, looking into his eyes and thinking 'wow, Nick seems to be going strong, almost too strong.' And typically he was there talking to the doctor saying, "Could you tape my feet please, I can't reach that part of my foot." Again, everyone else was pretty much doing their own blisters but for Nick it was pretty natural that someone help him with his. He was helping others, wasn't it natural that others should help him? Sounds like a reasonable motto for life. It was the last time I saw him.
During the long march, I thought about him from time to time. John and I discussed it from time to time over the the whole walk. 'What if..." never expecting the worst outcome could really eventuate.
I recall the moment I heard the news. I was sitting on the bed in my hotel room and the phone rang and Ellen answered it. I knew right away what it was about and I broke down and didn't want to take the phone. The moment we had all been dreading had arrived and although I had thought about it for 25 hours the day before, you are never ever prepared for news like that when it arrives.
A few of us spent the rest of the evening with Nick's brave brother Andrew and his beautiful girlfriend Fei. Andrew asked a simple question, " How can my brother, a healthy young man go away and not return?" Fei told the story about how Nick had said, 'don't worry, if something happens a helicopter will come and take me a way." Maybe it was to appease her, or maybe he actually believed it. Well afterall, it made sense, if something serious happens, people help don't they? This reflects a little of the naivety that made Nick what he was. Somehow, I think he actually believed that if shit hit the fan, somebody would be there to help.
I can't rationalise why things like this happen. All I know is that Urumuqi in China is referred to in the same way as timbuktu in mine  and some others countries. It's the place that the Chinese refer to be as being the furtherest place from civilisation and where Nick came to grief was even further than that.
There are no answers, sometimes people are called when they are called. 
All I know is that all of us who had our lives touched for what ever amount of time we knew him, whether it be for 31 years, for 8 months, or for 4 days, we are all a little bit richer for the experience, and for all of us involved in the march, Nick's passing will have made our event just that little bit more significant in a macabre way. Even in passing, like the ear plugs and the swapping of food, he is still contributing, assisting us to ensure this experience will never be forgotten. Walk on Nick, your spirit lives with us all. 

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