Not a lot of time to write today because of the late finish, but I am here, in one piece and much happier than yesterday. Today I helped more people to cross the line and it has kept me much happier.

I knew today was going to be a really long day and that the timings were going to be really really really harsh. CheckPoint 1 was all river, CheckPoint 2 was the massive sand dune that wrecked my feet last year, but this time I sailed down it having an absolute blast in my inov8’s and then came the pain. CP 3 and the finish across some evil terrain that I knew would make the journey “home” really really long. In setting off from CP2, Clancy and I were joined by Nick Ashley Cooper and we made a merry group, just slowly plodding along. Nick has an incredible story in that as of last year he couldn’t walk, after breaking his back. The fact that he is here, testing himself while still in the throes of a recovery is incredible and such an inspiration.

As we were leaving CP 3 he uttered those fateful words… “I am on my last legs”… and I knew that those were the signs of real trouble. He was running on empty, and me knowing that the finish line was a very LONG 10.5km away, I decided that it would be better to let the others use their natural pace and for me to keep Nick moving towards the finish line.

I have been in the same position and been picked up by people like the great Lucy RB and just thought that if I could help, then I would. I played Nick one of the videos that I use and made sure that he was never more than 10 meters behind me. It seemed to just keep him focused on moving his feet and to keep pushing towards the finish, which was going to be a very tight cut off time.

We made it by 28 minutes, a lot longer than I wanted, as I was feeling strong… but I was happy that we both made it.

Tomorrow is another really long day and hopefully all will go smoothly.

Thank you to everyone who has written to me so far – you guys are incredible.

So today was the day that the battle started; and after a very cold night that left little sleep to be had, the nerves were high and the anxiety higher. I wanted to get started, but I also wanted to turn around and head straight back into tent so that I wouldn’t have to do this infernal race… and believe me… this race IS INFERNAL. The heat, the terrain… it breaks so many things, including bodies and minds and I was dreading it, knowing what every step would hold, as I know that I hadn’t been able to train because of illness and injury; 20km of training to come to the Atacama is not something I would recommend for anyone… yet those are the circumstances that I am here under, and that is what I am trying to battle.

 For me, this race is not so much about finishing, but about a vindication… a last banishing of the demons that still haunt me, that bring me down and that give me an inkling of doubt at times. For me this race was always going to be a huge challenge mentally, and it was only made harder physically by the above mentioned ailments…

The day started well, my mind played a great trick on me and made me feel like I was great… I thought I felt adrenalized, rejuvenized and revitalized and although I was keeping a good pace, the rest of me was tense, my stomach was churning and my mind kept skipping ahead to km 12. The very spot where I destroyed my knee, my challenge and everything else last year.

I was walking with my friend Clancy; and I pointed it out and explained again how it had happened… flashes of a year ago started hitting me. They made me feel worse and a little nauseous and every step from there made sure to remind me of what awaited me: Pain, pain, mishap and pain. Despite making it to check point two with Clancy, as we left, I started to separate because I was fracturing and I didn’t want to be with anyone going into the long, steep, forever winding canyon that makes this stage so difficult.

The flashes kept coming…. The memories I had tried to so hard to forget… the pain…. And then it happened… I snapped. I could feel my heart going a mile a minute. I started to question what I was going to do, how I would finish… whether I should just get in the car and quit now... but… I was not alone.

Before this race, I sent out an email that had link to a video that I have used for motivation in the build up to this race and now, I knew was the time to persevere and play them to myself. I hit the play list, put my ipod in…. and broke down…all the while making sure to keep my feet moving.

 I challenge all you readers out there to (without google or the internet) to let me know if you know where these quotes come from.

 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond belief”

“the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, it’s a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it”….

”But it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward, that’s how winning is done"

I will have a few more for you tomorrow and we can play the game all week!! ;-)

Thank you to all of you that have sent me emails already – I cannot explain how much better they have made me feel in this past 30minutes.

But… I am not afraid to tell you all, that for about 30 minutes… I could do nothing but move my feet and sob uncontrollably. If I thought that this was going to be straight forward, how mistaken I was… I am in a fight; and a big one.